


more than an abandoned memory

by nosecoffee



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: AU, Angst, But mostly fluff, Canon Divergence, Comedy, Dialogue only sections, Drunkeness, Everybody Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Fluff, Forgive Me, Galaxy Gals, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's Almost Midnight, Larry Murphy's A+ Parenting, Larry is the Father of the Year, Low-key crack, M/M, New Conspiracy: Connor didn't finish the milk, Suicide Attempt, Texting, The Amazing Asshole Jared Kleinman, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tree Bros, Tweeting, alternate universe - Scotland, because I'm lazy, blatant comfort, fight me on this, idk guys, im so sorry, im so tired, inebriation, referenced attempted suicide, scotland au, thats right, they go to Scotland, this is shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:26:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosecoffee/pseuds/nosecoffee
Summary: Evan: forgive me for what i must yabba-dabba-dooConnor: who the fuck is thisEvan: fuckEvan: wrong number





	more than an abandoned memory

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Disappear' from Dear Evan Hansen
> 
> I swear I'm getting a cold and I can't have one, I'm about to go into a week of shows, send me good vibes to ward away this disease

**Evan:** forgive me for what i must yabba-dabba-doo

 **Connor:** who the fuck is this

 **Evan:** fuck

 **Evan:** wrong number

 **Evan:** i'm sorry

 **Connor:** no, wait, that was the highlight of my day

 **Connor:** i read it out to my sister and she's been laughing for three minutes

 **Evan:** i'm Evan

 **Connor:** i'm Connor

~

"Oh my god!" Alana steps on the brakes and Evan very nearly hits his head on the dashboard. She swerves and pulls off the road behind another car. She jumps out as the person in the car in front of them stumbles out of the car, coughing and waving at the smoke billowing out of the dashboard.

Evan climbs out of the car after her, and she grabs the guys arm. "Are you okay? What happened?"

The guy surveys them, still coughing. "Well, one minute I was roasting marshmallows, and the next the car was on fire!" He says.

"I'm calling the fire department." Alan's says, firmly, and pulls the guy further away from the smoking car. "Evan, get the fire blanket out of my car."

Evan turns to do as he's told but stops when the guy says, "Evan?"

"Uh, yeah," he replies, rubbing the back of his neck and giving the guy a meek smile. "Evan Hansen."

The guy points to himself. "Connor Murphy. We're supposed to be meeting today. At that café."

"Yeah." Evan blinks at him, in surprise, and smiles, a little. "Wow, um, funny meeting like this."

"Evan." Alana says. "Fire blanket."

"Right, sorry." Evan shuffled off to get it from the glove box, but he can still feel Connor's gaze on him, and if he blushes, who cares?

The guy is fine as hell.

~

"Look, I'm exactly the type of person who'd buy mini meringues to just crush them up and eat them."

"I don't doubt that at all."

~

"Whassup, daddy issues." Connor and Evan both look up from their books. Evan gives him a bewildered look and Connor raises an eyebrow.

There's a long moment of silence.

Jared shuffles, awkwardly.

"Which one of us are you addressing?" Connor asks. "Be more specific."

"The one with the absent father." Jared points vaguely in Evan's direction and Connor nods.

"Ah."

~

"If we're both Slytherin's, Zoe's a Gryffindor, and Alana's a Ravenclaw, what does that make Jared?" Evan asks, as they return a stack of books to the library.

"A bitch?" Connor suggests, winking at the librarian.

"Oh my god." Evan laughs.

~

"My favourite time of year is right after Easter, because that's when all the leftover eggs and hot cross buns and shit go on sale."

~

He doesn't even really notice when he gets the text.

He has five notifications.

One text from Zoe.

Four snapchats from Connor.

He goes for the text first.

_Hey, don't freak out, but when you get this, call me. This is really important._

Evan frowns. Weighs it over in his head.

Enters snapchat - he'll call Zoe after he looks at whatever Connor sent him.

Evan frowns deeper at the four videos of Connor rambling about the quality of hospital juice poppers, and the book he found stuffed under the mattress in his hospital room.

Evan sends him a picture of him looking confused with the caption "wtf????" under it.

The response is immediate. Connor sends a picture of the sheets of his bed.

"what's up, Ev?"

"why are you in hospital?"

The following video that Connor sends has Evan chilled to his bones.

_"So, let's say, hypothetically, 70 Panadol pills walk into a bar, and let's say, hypothetically, I take all 70-"_

Evan exits the tab and calls Zoe.

_"Evan. Thank god, look-"_

"Connor's in hospital." He says, and there's something sour rising up in him.

Zoe sighs shakily on the other end of the line. _"Yeah. Evan, it's stupid, don't freak out-"_

"Connor tried to kill himself?" His voice cracks in the middle of his name.

There's a pause. An exhale. _"Yes."_

Evan doesn't wait for another word.

A sob wrenches itself out of his throat. Zoe's still talking but he doesn't understand what she's saying. He's crying. Ugly crying.

The kind of crying like when you whine, and choke on a sob, and your face goes red.

Zoe's still talking. What is she saying?

_"-he's gonna be-"_

Evan gasps, holds a hand over his mouth. "Zoe, I'm gonna call you back."

 _"Evan-!"_ She says, but he hangs up before she can say anything else, and he drops the phone to his carpet.

"It's okay," he whispers, but he's still crying. He breathes in shortly a few times and wipes his eyes again. "Calm down."

Evan walks out of his room and into the toilet across the hall, pulling a couple squares of toilet paper off the roll to dry his eyes.

"Evan, honey, the TiVo recorded a documentary I think you'll-" Evan panics when he hears his mom walking up the stairs and hastily wipes his face with the toilet paper.

"Evan?" He turns and goes to smile at her, but the sour thing in his chest is rising again. "What's wrong."

"Wrong?" Evan asks, and then bursts into tears again.

~

 **Connor:** i'm sorry, that was insensitive, are you okay?

 **Evan:** i should be asking you that

 **Connor:** i'm fine

 **Connor:** Zoe said you started crying

 **Evan:** this isn't about me

 **Connor:** i'm making it about you

 **Evan:** why

 **Connor:** so that i don't have to think about it

 **Evan:** okay

 **Connor:** are you okay

 **Evan:** i'm fine

 **Evan:** can i bring you flowers?

 **Connor:** if you want

~

 **Weed Boy @ConnorMurphy ~** tfw u try to off urself and ur dad ships u off to Scotland for the summer w/ ur friends

~

The house is unassuming at the front. Immediately Jared stops and looks at it, and then at the rest of them. "Is this it?"

"Just you wait, my young padawan." Connor replies, pulling out keys and unlocking the front door. "Welcome to your new home for the summer."

Evan steps in, and realises how deceiving the front of the house is.

Inside, there's a landing, and immediately to the left is a bathroom, with a bathtub, a vanity, a shower, and a washing machine. There's a cavity sliding door on it.

To the left is a stairwell to the upstairs, and directly in front of them is another stairwell, a relatively large one, opening up to the living and dining rooms.

Evan immediately descends the stairs, and turns in a circle to take in the empty space.

There's a porch just through the living room, and there's a kitchen off the dining room, sharing the same wall as the stairs. "Welcome." Connor stretches his arms wide, gesturing to the house, as the rest of them dump their bags in the entryway. "To the dreariest place on Earth, please enjoy your stay."

Zoe elbows him in the ribs. "Oh, shut your trap and give them the tour, douchebag."

"Is that really the way to treat your recovering-suicidal brother?" He asks and his smile drops when everyone stiffens. "Alright, no suicide jokes. Cool."

"I'll take them upstairs, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Alana, we're sharing the room with the double bed."

"Awesome."

"Boys, you get to pick your rooms."

~

"You're a criminal, you know that right?"

"Yes, sir, that's why I have your wallet."

~

"You remember that time, last month, when you were smoking, and you blew the smoke through your fidget spinner?"

"I didn't know it would just blow the smoke into my eyes. I thought it would look cool. Like vaping."

"Please don't pick up vaping."

~

 _How do you make a bed warm,_ Evan wonders.

 _Do you do it yourself, or is it simply the presence of someone else that makes it warm?_ He wants to know.

Jared broke the heating the night before when he rode his skateboard into the wall, on accident.

~

"You try to silver serve haggis with a ladle while hungover and see how you like it."

~

"From now on, we'll be going by code names. You will address me as Eagle 1. Jared is Been There Done That. Zoe is Currently Doing That. Connor is If I Had To Pick A Dude. Evan is Eagle 2."

"Oh thank god."

~

"Hey, remember when you were twelve, and you cut holes in the sleeves of your shirts do you could walk around with your thumbs through your sleeves and dad had a fit every time you put one on?"

"And he bought me a bunch of new ones and confiscated all the scissors in the house, so I took all of them to school and cut them all in art class?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"You know how dad sometimes texts me in the middle of the night to tell me about things he's just remembered?"

"Ah."

~

"Listen, the next time I have a breakdown that lands me in hospital and my dads solution is to pack me up and ship me off to Scotland for a summer abroad, I'll actually go through with killing myself to save everyone the trouble of coming along."

"Put a sock in it, Murphy."

"And don't joke about actually killing yourself. You're here to recover, remember?"

"Maybe sardonic humour is just my way of relating to the world."

"I'm officially cutting you off from watching _Riverdale_. And if you give me the off-brand sand speech, I'll break your neck, cut you up, roast you on the cooktop, and feed you to the lads nextdoor."

"What the fuck, Zoe."

"When did you start calling them 'the lads'?"

"When I asked them for a cup of sugar and they came back with a keg."

"..."

"They're my friends, alright? Yeesh."

~

"C'mon, get up, we're having a picnic by the lake today." Zoe says, spinning around in her sundress.

Evan, Connor, and Jared all groan from their consecutive hangover positions in the living room.

"What are you? Vampires?" She asks, crossing her arms. Alana sets the picnic basket down on the table.

"No, they're teenage boys." She replies. "Even weaker."

"Oh, my gosh, wreck them, Alana!" They high-five.

~

"Remember when you went through that phase where you tried to choreograph the entirety of King Of New York from _Newsies_ by yourself in your bedroom, and you even put together a costume?"

"I never told you about that! How do you know about that?"

"I watched through the crack in the door, it was really cute."

~

 **Weed Boy @ConnorMurphy ~** wen ur 4 rm8ts come in @4am  & they catch u painting ur nails & crying  
|  
**Evan @TreeBoiii ~** that's what u were doing? Jared said u were snorting coke?  
|  
**All That Jazz @ZZZMurphy ~** all eyes turn to @CronchKlienman  
|  
**TICJK @CronchKlienman ~** fuck off  
|  
**Weed Boy @ConnorMurphy ~** u r dead, Klienman  
|  
**TICJK @CronchKlienman ~** pray 4 me lol

~

Connor sipped his Cup-O-Soup and held Evan's gaze. "You dead, Hansen?"

"Only on the inside."

"Good answer."

"Everyone's still at the club." Evan informs him, collapsing in the seat opposite him. "Although, Zoe said something about trying to find the Loch Ness Monster."

"God, I hope she doesn't drown."

"My condolences if she does."

"Thank you."

~

 **Jared:** don't freak out, but I lost the girls, and I'm a little drunk

~

"Hey."

"What?"

"What do you wanna do, tonight?"

"We could play _Monopoly."_

"How about strip _Monopoly?"_

"How does that work?"

"First person who goes bankrupt has to take off their clothes and keep them off for a full six hours."

"That seems like normal _Monopoly."_

 _"Monopoly_ Roulette."

~

 **Jared:** okay, so, as it turns out, Zoe wasn't joking about finding the Loch Ness Monster

 **Jared:** they got on a bus

 **Jared:** I hired a car and am currently high tailing it to Loch Ness

 **Jared:** can't promise I'll make it before they drown

 **Jared:** but I'll do my best

~

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"You're the naked one."

"You bought Mayfair, what chance did I have?"

"I don't know."

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"What do you wanna do?"

"I can think of a few things."

"Are you drunk?"

"Nope. I'm being super honest right now."

"And you've decided that what you want to do with one of the last nights you have left in Scotland is to play 'strip _Monopoly'_ and seduce a socially anxious dork?"

"When you put it like that, it sounds pathetic."

"You calling me pathetic?"

"No."

"Prove it."

"How."

"I can think of a few things."

~

 **Jared:** I found them

 **Jared:** they fell asleep on the shore

 **Jared:** am currently getting them in the car, might stop off for the night

 **Jared:** will text you updates

~

"Hey, Connor, do you think dogs understand the concept of locks?"

"Oh my god, go to sleep, Evan!"

~

"WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD."

"Jared - what time is it?"

"Kleinman, what the fuck."

"OH MY GOD."

~

"CONNOR WAS NAKED IN EVAN'S BED THIS MORNING."

"Quiet the fuck down, Jared. You'll piss off the lads."

"Back to being 'the lads', are they?"

"They made me a pot roast."

"Ah, I see, pot roast makes everything better, doesn't?"

"Blow me."

"..."

"Wait, did you say Connor was NAKED in EVAN'S BED?"

"That's what I said."

"IM CALLING ALANA."

~

"CAUGHT IN THE ACT!"

"ACK, PULL YOUR PANTS UP, CONNOR, RIGHT THIS MINUTE!"

"Or you could leave?"

"WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"I'm too lazy to pull my pants up, plus my hand is legitimately covered in lube right now."

"Oh my god."

"Can I get a say in this?"

"Stop talking, Evan. When you talk, I have to look at you, and I don't want to look at you right now."

"Why?"

"You're naked, idiot."

"ON OUR DINING TABLE."

"My grandfather built that during the Second World War."

"And did he fuck your grandmother on it before or after the war ended?"

"Great, you made Alana faint."

~

"This isn't like my _Hair_ phase, Zoe."

 _"Hair_ phase? Dear god, please tell that story."

"That story is just legitimately Connor spending a summer locked up in his room, high 24/7, and crying while listening to the _Hair_ soundtrack on repeat with his headphones on. It's why he grew his hair out."

"Oh my god."

~

"No one ever tell her that that cottage pie tasted almost exactly like how I've always imagined a fart would taste."

"I want you to fucking die."

"Why have you been imagining the taste of farts?"

"Connor Murphy; asking the real questions."

~

"Dad used to call mom 'sunshine'. Before everything. I'm not saying I want to be him, I'm just saying I want to make up for all the mistakes he made. Family trait, I guess; making up for other people's mistakes."

~

 **TICJK @CronchKleinman ~** Spooning is out, spatulaing is in. Slide up behind your partner and launch them out of bed

"ZOE, WHAT THE FUCK."

~

"Our family has a habit of doing stupid things when we're in love." Connor says, leaning back on his chair, arms folded under his head.

"Like?" Evan prompts him.

Connor smiles a little. "I punched a crocodile once."

"Holy shit." Says Jared, from the kitchen. "I need so much context."

~

"Connor what the shit was that?"

"I have no idea who she was."

"Obviously."

"I think she thought I was a stripper, or something."

"Well, that would explain the..."

"The fact that she came up to me with fifty dollars and asked for a lap dance?"

"Yeah. Why did you go along with it?"

"Well, I wasn't gonna turn down fifty dollars, was I? Between you and me, that was not worth fifty dollars, but she enjoyed it so I'm not gonna tell her that."

"Connor, please put your shirt back on."

**Fin.**

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT HOT MESS
> 
> If you did, please feel free to leave a comment and/or a kudos, and hmu on Tumblr @nose-coffee
> 
> Tell me what you liked about this? I'm always looking for validation, and nothing is better than comments.
> 
> Again, thanks


End file.
